I’d rather not have money in my account than see people suffer- Okonkwo

OkonkwoFebisola Okonkwo is the founder of Help Project Foundation, a non -governmental organisation that caters to the needs of orphans, widows and the physically challenged. Okonkwo, who in the past was as an Assistant Editor in a publishing company, an editor in a newspaper company and a banker, is currently a businesswoman. In this interview with TAYO GESINDE, she says nothing gives her joy and satisfaction other than helping people in need. She also speaks on motherhood and her marriage to an Igbo man. Excerpts:

What prompted you to start the Help Project Foundation?
I have a first and second degree in Communication and Language Arts from the University of Ibadan, but my love for helping people prompted me to go back to the classroom to learn the basics, the ethics and rudiments of Social Work.

You know in every profession there are fundamentals. I have finished my Masters programme in Social Works at the University of Ibadan so I am a professional social worker offering social services to the needy. I do volunteer work for orphanages,hospitals and rehabilitation centres.

I also run a self-support programme, right now, ably supported by my family and friends.They believe strongly in me and in what I love to do. My number one fan is my husband, Lawrence, my husband of 20 years.

He has always been very supportive of every move and decisions I take in this journey; he doesn’t complain or grumble when I give or try to help. In fact, he gets me clients. When he sees people in distress, he tells them that “look, I’ll introduce you to my wife, she could fix you up.” I gave out my foodstuffs and provisions mostly before the second week of the month and my husband doesn’t complain. Without him, it would have been difficult for me to cope.

How do you meet your clients?
Except if we don’t want to see, there are people everywhere who genuinely need help. They are people living next door, in church, school, market, on the street and in the neighbourhood. It is sad that Nigerians are losing fast their value system to that of the Western world, our tradition in the past was being our brother’s keeper, but now, everybody is on their own, selfish, greedy and carefree.

The first time I saw a man on the street struggling for breath and people were passing by like nothing strange was happening I cried because I knew it was purely un-African. The developed countries we are trying to copy do have their own culture, they have a strong welfare scheme which takes proper care of their elderly, the young, sick and so on, but our own has always been”be your brother’s keeper”. But we are losing that fast.

I would rather not have any money in my account than see people in pain and distress and ignore them. I find it difficult to ignore people in need, it is worse for me when they are children and more when they are orphans or motherless. Sometimes, I go out to borrow money to help pay school fees, I go begging to pay hospital bills and I am happy when things turn around for my clients.

I have children/students in higher institutions and secondary schools that I mentor; I call that programme “Educational Network Programmes.” What I do is link indigent or poor students to people that are willing to help pay their school fees. Nigerians are very kind and willing people. I found out,, in doing this job, that many people want to help others but they are looking for the right places not fraudulent people.

I feel proud and happy when people say things like “Febi, if you are the one doing this, I’ll support.” It gives me so much encouragement, we have been so favoured and lucky to enter into offices, meet people, talk with them and people respond positively. There are still many wonderful people out there with large and golden hearts.

At all times I have students in schools that I pay their school fees and others on waiting lists, I have patients in hospitals that I pay their medical bills ranging from cancer patients, psychiatry and all sorts with huge needs.

What are the challenges you have been facing in your quest to better the lot of the less privileged?
I get so overwhelmed with people’s needs, pain and suffering. I get so attached to my clients’ needs that I feel pained when I cannot help them, especially when the needs are huge. Funding remains the biggest challenge, especially with people who keep coming in for one help or the other. I see what I do as a little drop of water in the mighty ocean; but I am always encouraged by Mother Theresa’s words that “if you cannot feed a thousand, feed one.”

What I do has taught me that life stinks and that nothing is permanent in this life; so why keep money when others need it? Why hold on to so much when others don’t have anthing at all to eat and wear?
It is frightening to know that poverty kills in this part of the world but that is the truth. People die and lose their spouses and children, because they cannot pay medical bills and some others have more than enough to waste on frivolities. I mean it is unfair; people should be sensitive to their fellow human beings needs.

The government alone cannot fight this and who is the government anyway? You and I, everybody must contribute her quota to the needy. Then the government should bring up policies that would incorporate a strong welfare scheme for the young, sick, elderly, orphans, women and everybody, they should make this structure strong and work.

What is your personal philosophy?
Live and let live, that’s my strongest ideology and dictum. As I said “nothing in life is permanent,” except what you do for others because it remains forever in their hearts and it is a landmark. Money does not necessarily bring happiness and joy. Happiness is an attitudinal thing and it comes from within. As I said, I don’t have any money that I cannot give out to people.

Of what use is money to me when it cannot be of service to people in need?
Don’t get me wrong, I love comfort because it is so uncomfortable when you lack; but I am not looking forward to having money stacked up in my account, I don’t need that, whatever I have I am determined to use for charity and I am grateful to God that my husband and children respect that. I don’t believe in personal wealth and opulence; it is personal though, you know we are all entitled to our personal lives.

I love simple lifestyles; life is complicated enough and I feel one should live it as less complex as we can. I love simplicity in everything and in everyday living. It is so crazy that human beings get so obsessed with accumulating money for themselves and generations to come, when they know that “we only live once”. People die everyday because of lack and others have more than enough to stock.

What advice do you have for mothers?
Mothers should keep an eye on their children. With the strong influence of the mass media the world is getting more and more complicated, mothers should befriend and spend time with their children no matter how busy we are. We should remember that if we fail to teach them the right way of doing things, their friends and other people or the internet would teach them and this could be negative.

It is a fact that we grew up in a better and more conducive world than our children with less negative influence from the media. Today our children are left alone at home 24 hours watching DSTV, learning all sorts from the internet. All these with the Western culture of “me and my family” so many parents, especially mothers, indulge their children in get them whatever money can buy in the name of comfort.

It is good to care and make our children comfortable but it is wrong to indulge them unnecessarily. Getting them the basic things they need is important but it should be done with moderation .
Mothers should not be too busy to take care of their children, especially during the formative stage which is from infancy to 13 years; that’s a child’s formation stage and it determines what or who the child would be.

Mothering to me is not how much money you spend on your children but how you impart values, worth, culture, faith and love in them. Mothering is more than a woman’s ability to carry pregnancy to term and deliver babies.

You are from IIe-Oluji in Ondo State while your husband is from Anambra State.What are the challenges of being married to someone outside your tribe?
I cannot remember having any challenge concerning my marriage. Agreed, when I wanted to marry him, because I met him during youth service, my parents and siblings objected. I come from a very large family and I am the last child. So my people were very emotional about how I would cope.

But funny enough, my husband had always lived in Lagos. He grew up here but my people were just being protective and did not want me to marry him.When they met him and discovered his personality, they all took to him. My father is closer to my husband now more than me; my siblings too adore him, so it has been fine.

That means you will encourage ladies to go for inter-tribal marriage?
Well, yes, but you have to look very well. I married my husband not because he is Igbo, but because he possessed all the qualities I wanted in a man.