Who is more important; your husband or children?

By Monica Taiwo - updated: Friday 30-10-2009

Joke.THERE is always this subtle competition or should we say rivalry between a man and his children when it comes to getting the woman’s attention in the home. Only a man who does not want to face reality will deny the fact that this happens once in a while in the home.

Most men have had cause to complain that their wives, at one time or the other, had neglected them and focussed all their attention on their children.

Do not get me wrong; there is nothing wrong in this kind of situation. It is what we, sometimes refer to as a “healthy rivalry” but, of course, there is the tendency that, once in a while, some people take this too far.

When a situation like this surfaces,with the woman’s affection tilted to a side to the detriment of the other, it could lead to problems in the home. That is why as mothers, it is very important for us to ask God for wisdom to be able to strike a balance between our relationship with our children and husbands.

On a lighter note, Strictly Femail went to town to sample some women’s opinions on this issue. These are their responses:
Joke: The two of them are important. Because, if you don’t have a husband or if there is no man in your life, there is no possibility of having children.
But, of course, my children are very important. They are my future and whatever foundation you lay for them now will reflect on their future and mine too.

Lara: My children are important, but it will be wrong for a woman to place her children before her husband. Both of them are a crucial part of our lives and they should occupy separate places in our lives. A child should have his place while your husband should have his too.

As wives and mothers, we must be careful not to allow one to take the place of the other. We must employ diplomacy in all we do.

Kehinde: My children are a very crucial part of my life and nothing stops me from taking good care of them. Men are very jealous and if care is not taken, a man can actually be jealous of his wife’s attention to the children.

It is an issue of “oedipus complex”. That is the way God created the world and He has also given us women and mothers the wisdom to balance things between these two important categories of people in our lives.

Grace: My chldren are very important to me and they remain so. A man is a grown up and he requires less attention coupled with the fact that a man can get love and attention elsewhere if he so desires, but my children cannot.

Onyinye: Both of them are and I won’t let the affection I have for one affect the other. Although, there is no way one won’t be tempted to tilt to one side more than the other, you can show genuine concern to both sides.

Sade: As far as I am concerned, I expect that daddies should understand the needs of the children and instead of competing with them, they should support mothers to love and care for them.

Yemisi: Both of them are important parts of my life. They have separate parts in my heart and one cannot encroach on the other.

Men are also like babies. We, mothers, should also not forget that, one day, these children will grow up and have their own families too and you will be left with your husband.

If during the time you were raising your children, you had allowed this to affect your relationship with your husband, what happens when your children grow up and leave?

It is important for women to learn how to draw the line and not allow one relationship to affect the other. We also need to pray so that God will lead us aright.

Nkechi: How will you compare the love you have for your husband to that of your children? They are incomparable and you can never switch one for the other.

The erotic love you have for your husband cannot be compared to the filial love you share with your children. So, you cannot love them alike; they can be both loved maximally. Your husband cannot represent your children and vice versa.

What most women should realise is that their husbands should not be neglected because of their children and by the way, who made them have the children? Can they make a child alone? And what if God does not give them a child, would they die? Women should be reasonable and not be carried away; they should be able to strike a balance.