He has rejected me and our child, what do I do?

Updated: Thursday 29-10-2009

Dear Readers,
She trusted him so much and never believed he had another family elsewhere. Our writer today needs your advice to make some important decisions of her life. Please, read and advise her. Thanks, Monica Taiwo.

Dear Taiwo,
I am a regular reader of your column and I need your advice and those of your readers urgently in order to sort out the pieces of my life. My name is Grace and I am married to a man of my dreams, Jide and our marriage is one year old now.

Jide was a man after my heart because when we met, he was all I ever wanted and I told myself then that any other man aside him was a distraction and to God, I strictly kept to my words.

I am a beautiful woman that every man would desire to have. I started receiving gifts from suitors as early as 12, but, I had refused every of these men and kept myself till I got married.

A month before our wedding, my mother called me and spoke to me extensively about family life and particularly about the waywardness of men. She told me to have this at the back of my mind so that if my husband starts misbehaving, it would not come as a shock to me.

I didn't understand life then; I was quite young, just 22 and I never believed that Jide would dare do anything that would break my heart. I had so much confidence in him and moreover, his reserved nature did not allow me doubt him for a minute.

Everything went well after our marriage and I wondered what my mother's worry was all about. After all, I have learnt that life is not a bed of roses; there would be ups and downs but certainly not the way my mother painted the picture.

After a year into our wedding, things began to change. We had moved away from where my parents resided, (the eastern part of the country) where Jide got an appointment. I had my first child then and the way situations changed drastically appalled me.

It was as if hell was let loose on our marriage. Jide's behaviour suddenly changed it seemed the demon entered him and as if what my mother said was a prophesy. Jide went haywire, he became a party man, a womaniser and any other worse thing you can ever think of.

He refused to hear me out anytime I wanted to raise the issue and he threathened me not to try to report him to anyone. I couldn't travel that time because I was battling with the tears and pains I got through delivery.

This sudden change of behaviour was more than a shock to me and I knew immediately that if I had absorbed my mother's warnings, I wouldn't be in this situation. My heart ached over this deceit and cheating and all I could ask myself was, how was I so blinded not to have got some inklings of his behavour?

At least, there were other men who wanted my hand in marriage; serious and sincere men. Why this, why me? I tried to bear everything because at this time, there was nothing I could do. Jide completely abandoned me and the new born baby.

I was at a loss on what to do; I didn't have a close friend I could confide in; I was more or less undergoing a pain I could not control, a situation beyond my understanding.

After I longed so much to travel and I couldn't because of my new baby, I accepted my fate and decided within me that Jide would come back to his senses after some time. I was wrong.

On a fateful day, Jide came home very late in the night after three weeks of absence and without apologies or an excuse. He retired into his room. Every attempt to get to him was unsuccessful. He locked his door.

That night, I let out all the tears I had kept trapped in my tears gland. I wept and wept. Why should I have met with such a cruel fate? As if this was not enough, the following morning, Jide sat me down and told me the story that shocked me to the marrows.

He said he was married with two children before he met me and that his actions lately were due to the fact that his first wife wanted to reconcile with him and so, if I wouldn't bear the fact of being a second wife, I could pack out if I wanted and if I could bear it, I should stay.

This news tore me apart and all I could do was cling helplesslessly to him and asked him why he kept me in the dark about his past. Jide looked at me without emotions and let go of me. He didn't even care about the baby that was, at that time, wailing.

Weeks after this, Jide did not show up and when he did, he came with his wife and children. Taiwo, I couldn't bear this. So, I packed my things and made way to my mother and since then, I have found it difficult to love any other man and moreover, he has refused to mention divorce. I still love him, why did he do this to me?

What will I do now? I am confused.