Coping with long distance fatherhood

Monica Taiwo - Updated: Thursday 29-10-2009

THESE are not the days when it is compulsory for the husband and wife to stay together and raise their children and in the process, many family values have been eroded.

Before now, if a man’s job is the type that takes him away from home at intervals or the type that he has to keep moving on transfer all the time, such men prefer their wives to be full time housewives so that they can go with them when situation calls for it.

Today, civilisation and the economic reality do not allow for this kind of luxury. The fact that many women are becoming career- oriented and would want to stay at their base to pursue their career would not give room for such movements all the time.

Would you blame women for becoming career- oriented? Of course, no. This is because often times both hands must be on deck to make ends meet. The end result is, being able to give the children the desired comfort.

This is why sometimes a sacrifice has to be made. Some men have jobs which take them away from home on tour all the time, while others have to live far away from home leaving their wives to take care of the home front.

This is the situation at the Thomases home as he actually confided in his friend that he was so afraid that his children would grow up not knowing him. It would be heartwarming to Mr. Thomas that he is not the only one with the thought.

Kunle is actually afraid that he would walk into his house one day and find his 11-month old baby all grown-up and asking him who he wants to see.

Dehinde, wondered if his son’s first word would be ‘daddy’. He is one of those men who believe that no matter how close a woman is to the child, the baby’s first word is always, daddy!

To some of these men, there are no options than for them to be away from home. How then can you be a long distance father and still be close to your children and family?

These tips could help you know:
Throw a pop quiz:
Communication is very important and it has been made easy with the advent of GSM. The beauty of it is that it is even cheap. So, why not make the best of it?

When you are away from home, balance every phone call with questions and stories. Ask your kids about their favourite music group, football team and food. Talk about their best friends, subjects and other interests. Be sure not to be monotonous. You can change tactics and style weekly.

Also give them as much details as you get from them. Tell them about your trip, people you meet and so on. Do not wait until you get back home to do that.

Give them part of yourself:
If you like a particular type of music, let them know it. Get it for them to listen to when you are not there. If your kids are in their teens, it becomes nessessary for you to be a part of their world. You can also send your personal photographs and events from where you are fortunately, you can also do that with your mobile phone.

Be together:
Whenever you are around, be with them. Get to know them. Tell them about yourself and all they need to know. Ensure that they will miss you when you travel again.

Take them to work:-
If there is the opportunity for them to visit where you work, take them there so as to see the way you operate; so that when you are away, what you do and how you do it will be in their memory.

Be there, even when you are not there:
Let them do something funny at home to mark each day you are away. Remember, children don’t need bulliance, enormous virture or great intelligence from you. They simply need you. A loving presence which provides security that enables them to feel safe in their world.

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