‘Battling Breast Cancer Was A Challenge To My Marriage’

Anyanwu - Akeredolu Unlike others, she still lives to tell the story of a killer disease, cancer, which afflicted her some years back. Mrs. Betty Anyanwu-Akeredolu, in this interview with TOLUWANI OLAMITOKE, relishes her life experience, including her marital life, career and other issues that make her a complete woman.

You run an NGO on breast cancer, but you are a fisheries consultant. What’s the connection?
Well, I ’m a survival; I had a brush with breast cancer in 1997. When I noticed there wasn’t much awareness on it and people were dying in silence, I decided to establish an NGO so that I can use my experience to inform Nigerians that one can survive breast cancer if it’s detected early. And I ’m the kind of person that wouldn’t keep quiet at such a terrible experience. I know that with the exposure I have got, when people open up, others can benefit from their experience and I think that’s a better way to live.

Did your condition affect your relationship with your spouse in any way?
No, it didn’t have an impact. When we talk about impact, our minds go to the negative side of things. My husband accepted the situation and I also made him realize we can really live through it. Initially, it was very difficult on my own part, but I also found out that he was really frightened, but I had that inner strength. He has been very supportive of the NGO. If he had any reservation about my coming to the open, he didn’t disclose it or he probably hid it from me. But from all indications, I think he has been supportive.

You have managed, so well, your health. What are the copying strategies you can offer to women in a similar state?
The copying strategy could be on individual’s inherent capacity to absorb or adapt to a situation. I want to say that I ’m someone that doesn’t give up easily. I was very resilient and determined and was not going to give up. But all the same, that’s not to say I ’m a ‘wonder’ woman. It was very tough. I always like to tell the story of how I gathered myself to even go for confirmation that I had a lump. I watch the programme on satellite T.V. The title of the programme is “This Programme Can Save Your Life”. It is about breast cancer patients. How they went through the treatment, got better and reclaimed their lives. At that time, I was still battling within myself if what I felt in my breast was a lump or not or breast cancer. But seeing those women, even though they were Whites, I gathered myself. It gave me hope that I could make it like those women. By the time I was told it was breast cancer, I had gotten beyond that, gone beyond thinking I would die. Rather, I was forward-looking that I was going to make it. I can never forget that experience. That was what really gave me that leap of hope. Breast cancer has to be detected early. If it has gotten to the third or forth stage, that’s a problem. you might not have that chance like that person who discovered early and was able to go to the hospital to get examined and be treated.

When I discovered I truly had breast cancer, the next thing on my mind was how I was going to beat it. My children were still in secondary school; I had so much I had planned to accomplish. I decided I was not going to resign to fate; I was going to battle it. You know, all these thoughts tuned me on internally and psychologically; you are already fighting it. I, then, got myself busy and involved in many things, these took away thoughts and fear of dying and who would take care of my children when I die and the like.

Again, I have friends around me who also believe we should not give up without a fight. That also made it beautiful. We organized jogging exercise, capacity building and workshops within and outside the country. There aim is to help our women come out of their shell and know that there is life after breast cancer. I always seek to create awareness and rally round people who really care, well-meaning individuals in the society to see what we can do to make it possible for individuals who are sufferers, to survive and remain productive — been yourself again, that is the most important thing.

I must not fail to forget that your husband and family can also be your source of strength. I put a lot inside BRECAN, my NGO in terms of money and time . I feel I must do it, if I don’t, I feel sick and I don’t want anything that would make me sick. The outcome of our activities are so beautiful.I always feel fulfilled.

Was your marriage early?
I married at the age of 27. I left the university at age 25, went for the National Youth Service Corps and got married afterwards. I come from the East where we lost two years to the civil war. Probably, I would have finished my university education at the age of 22 or thereabout.I met my husband in my first year of work. He was having his youth corps service at Enugu. When our relationship got serious, I sought a transfer to Ibadan in 1980 and we got married.

Can you introduce your spouse?
He’s Rotimi Akeredolu, a lawyer and Senior Advocate of Nigeria (SAN). He’s the current president of the Nigerian Bar Association (NBA).

What was the attraction?
For me, the attraction was his shoulders. he has broad shoulders and was slimmer then. Now, he has added on much weight. He’s good-looking and there could be other features in you that could attract someone, but for me, it was his broad shoulders. He also said my low-cut attracted him. I wore a low-cut throughout my university days.

Yours is an intertribal marriage. Do you have any regrets?
No, not at all. We’ve managed so well but that’s not to say everything is bed of roses. Actually, no marriage is bed of roses, the thorns are there.My battling with breast cancer was a challenge in my marriage. but I think the success of any marriage is the ability of the couple to overcome difficulties and challenges when they arrive. I think we are mature enough to see when we should not overstretch a situation or when someone should beat a retreat when we have a misunderstanding.

It’s observed that some women neglect themselves when married. What, in your view, is responsible for this?
I know when you start having babies the body changes but marriage should not let you look less pretty. It should accentuate your being. the more a woman is educated, the better. She will know how to take care of herself, she wouldn’t want to be overweight and even be a source of inspiration or model to her female children. Women shouldn’t let themselves go. When women are overweight, they age quickly and there are diseases associated with overweight like heart diseases and even breast cancer. Every woman should eat balance diet and take lots of fruits.

How do you retain the spark in your marriage?
My husband and I complement each other. My house is like an open forum for discussions of all kinds. for example, right now, if you want anything about US election, come to my house. My husband is pro Mac Cain, I’m Pro Obama, that will tell you the kind of intellectual discuss that hold in our house. I don’t think he could have another person to give him that kind of challenge. I’m very opinionated.I feel we complement each other. I want to say that’s one of the things that makes our marriage stay.

Will you encourage or support your children if involved in inter racial relationship?
Mine is intertribal so, it’s almost the same thing . someone with a different background and culture coming into your home. I have no cause to object; I think the underline factor is being able to love one another and make your marriage work.

Tell me about your children?
We have four children; two boys and two girls. My first is Rotimi( Jnr), 27 years old, graduate of Columbia University. He had his Master’s in Computer Engineering but he’s now a financial analyst in Engineering. My first daughter and second born is Teniola, a medical doctor. She’s 25 years old. My third is Yejide who is 21 years. She’s a lawyer. my baby is Babajide, he will be 20 years old on October 20. He’s a student of Chemical Engineering in the US. The boys are in the US, the girls are at home.

If any of your children brings home the fiance or fiancee, what would you look out for?
He or she has to be smart and, of course, well mannered.I like an extrovert who will speak up his or her mind. I’m a mother- inlaw that would engage you in conversation to know the level of your intellect. I wouldn’t want a daughter or son-in-law that would be doing ‘Yes ma,’ ‘Yes ma’ to me. no, you should be able to open. And they are going to have fun with me because I’m such that would gather my family and go for a holiday or lunch.

Did ethnic differences create problem between you and your in-laws?
I will give credit to my husband in this regard. Comparatively, I’ve had a smooth sail in this regard. he really protected me. if there were to be any kind of misunderstanding, he made sure it never came up. I’m very bad at picking languages but since my in-laws are enlightened, they could tolerate that. if there’s anything in the offing, he will just block it. he has a kind of respect from everyone in his family, perhaps, no one wants to offend him. I don’t have any cause to complain.

What’s your educational background?
Everything was in the East: primary and secondary schools, and, then, University of Nigeria, Nsukka. I had my first degree in Zoology, proceeded to the University of the Phillipine for my Masters. I’m presently running my Ph.D programme at Federal University of Technology, Akure. Having retired, I’m now a full-time Fisheries’ consultant; have my farm and into production. I have to be current so that I don’t lag behind. I still publish papers.

Can you tell me your age?
I’m 55 years old

And what do you do to keep fit ?
I ensure I don’t eat just anything; I take much of fruits. I also engage in exercise. I do Yoga. The Yoga came about after my experience with breast cancer. I play tennis but not regularly. I love beauitiful, soft music and take light dancing steps.