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I’ll never pray for a blue Xmas again!(2)

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Thursday, 29 December 2011

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(Continued from last  week)

Dear Taiwo,

Unfortunately, two years after the birth of our son, I lost my job to reorganisation exercise in our bank. The initial months were okay as there were high hopes that I would soon secure another job, then I had some money in my savings that I could still run my home on. I am the type of man who believes that I should shoulder all my responsibilities, and God has always given me the grace to do so.

When Adun started her Non-Governmental Organisation (NGO) job, she earned more than I did. This, however, did not make me allow her to do anything formally in the house. Although, I  could not rule out 100 per cent that she did not contribute, I made sure that my wife and  children lacked nothing.

Events, however, took a bad turn when I was unable to secure another job for nine months. For the fact that I wasn’t adding any supplement to my savings, my money started to run out. As if that was not enough, my father fell ill. He had cancer of the colon; I had no choice but to take care of him, being the only son and the first child. Although my two other siblings played their part, because I had no means of replacing the money I was spending it started to tell on me and I started running out of cash.

While this was going on, I expected Adun to support me. I did not stop searching for jobs, but I just was not lucky. Unfortunately, Adun at this trying period of my life became a changed woman entirely. She became a nag and would complain about everything. At a point, she made my financial state an issue. She complained about having to spend her money to run the homefront. She would pick up quarrel over non-issues and   would call me names. Whenever she was in such mood, I tried to keep my cool. Ordinarily, I am a quiet person; I also grew up in an environment where open confrontation between parents and even siblings was not a common thing.

I never witnessed my parents quarrel or exchange  words. I am  sure it would have happened, but they did a good job at keeping their quarrels from us. If our parents were peace loving, we their children had no cause but to maintain peace in the home.

So her attitude and change in behaviour surprised and shocked me. To cut the long story short, on the fateful day, exactly two weeks to Xmas, I went out to pick our children from school. Of course Adun was supposed to be in the office, but I was confronted with a sight that I couldn’t forget in a hurry. Adun came with a haulage truck to move her things out of our home.

She moved everything that was hers, even kitchen utensils. It was not the day of GSM, but I called her parent land line, her mother picked the call and the response she could give was, “Adun is a grown-up and she can take her decisions by herself”.

That was how Adun left me and our two kids. I was afraid she would want to take the children, but she did not even make an attempt to. We lived at Oregun I learnt later that she moved into a rented apartment on Victoria Island.

Shortly after she left, my father died. It became a double tragedy for me. My immediate sibling who married a year earlier mentioned my plight to her husband because I was almost becoming a mental wreck. My mother had to take my kids so she could take care of them. I equally moved back to my father’s house because our house lost all it had after Adun moved out.

My mother and family members made attempts at reconciliation, but Adun’s mother’s reply was always that she was an adult who was capable of taking her own decisions.

My brother-in-law, however got me a job at the company of one of the richest men in the country as an accountant, and I was able to gradually pick up my life again.

I heard that Adun had re-married. In fact, she married the man who was instrumental in her moving out of our home. She even refused to ask after her children once she learnt they were living with my mother.

To the glory of God. I was lifted up again. Now, I have my own house and even my own business that is doing very well. I always heard stories about Adun because I still loved her. I learnt she had two children for the man she left me for. Her relationship with him, however, became sour when his wife who had been abroad came back home.

Apparently, the man lied to her. He equally duped   her of a large sum of money which belonged to her office and because of this fraud, her appointment was terminated and this man also left her. Talking sincerely, I never wished her evil. To my surprise, however, two weeks ago, she called my cell phone that she wanted to see me. I obliged her and we met at a popular eatery on the Island. She wanted to come back and at the same time  wanted me to forgive her. Since I didn’t marry, she wanted us to make things work again. She wanted to show me how repentant she had become if I would forgive her. Forgive her of what was my question. She didn’t even know how our children grew up or their whereabouts.

I was too shocked to say anything. I asked her to give me some time and she has since been pestering me on phone. What does she want me to do? Take her back with another man’s kids? What if I had really gone over the rail when she left me? Would she have come back if I had not made it?

I am surprised, shocked and sick of her request. My children don’t even want to hear of her. They don’t even know her aside the pictures  they saw and we all reside in Lagos.

She equally lost her father few days ago, her mother who felt she could take her own decisions then called that she also wanted to see me.

What should I do?

Adekunle.

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