I wish he would find a place in his heart to forgive me!

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I wish he would find a place in his heart to forgive me!

Thursday, 05 January 2012

Dear readers,
We all make our mistakes. This writer, wrote in response to her husband’s letter that was ran for two weeks on this page. She desires forgiveness. Please, read and help both of them.
Thanks, Monica Taiwo.

Dear Taiwo,
Compliments of the season to you. From the bottom of my heart, I wish you well. I also thank God for the good work He is using you for at the Nigerian Tribune.

I read with a heavy heart the story published. Although I am an avid reader of this column, but I didn’t know why I missed this one and a close family friend, who knew the story of my life called my attention to it. It is a confirmation of the Yoruba saying “Oloro, abeti didi.” Taiwo, this story I believe is mine. It is all about my former husband and I.

I commend his bravery, because he didn’t bother to change or conceal our identities. I am very sure he meant well by doing this.

It is very true that I left Adekunle while the going got tough for him. It is also true that I came back to ask him to forgive me.

I also liked the way he threw the whole story open to the people’s parliament. I don’t mean that he wanted your readers to judge me. I also know that people out there who have read his own side of the story would love to read my own side and if at the end of it, I am found guilty which I know to a large extent I am, people can help me plead with him to forgive me.

There is no point repeating how we met as he has said it all and he did not lie when he said that he took care of the home front. Adekunle did and he never allowed us to lack anything. No doubt, sometimes even without his knowledge, I contributed to the family upkeep, but my contribution then was very minimal.

When I got a job with a Non-Governmental Organisation (NGO), my salary was far better than his, yet, he never allowed me spend my money. In fact, he bought a new car for me to celebrate the birth of our second child. He forgot to tell you this.

When he lost his job, nothing stopped me from being the pillar he had always been to me and our children, but Adekunle was proud. He still insisted on carrying on with his responsibilities, believing God that he would get another job. It was also during this time that his father took ill.

I really did not know what happened but my mother called me one afternoon and asked that I see her on my way from the office and I did. She told me when I got to our house that my mother-in-law; (Adekunle’s mother), came to see her the previous day and her mission was to ask my mother to plead with me to stop making use of Adekunle’s glory.

I learnt she told my mother that as I was moving forward, Adekunle’s fortunes were dwindling. His mother accused my family of being diabolical and that they were transferring Adekunle’s glory for my use.
I was shocked when I heard this, because I felt my mother-in-law and I were too close. I wanted to believe that if she had anything to say, she should have raised it with me. For her to have accused my family and I of being diabolical was the height of it.

Since I knew Adekunle, we had our first quarrel when I got home that night. He could accuse me of being quarelsome, but he refused to state the reason. I became quarrelsome, no doubt, because I told him what my mother told me, and I asked for an explanation.

He could not say anything. I asked that he spoke with his mother and let her know how I felt about her accusation, but he did nothing. After two weeks, I went to see my mother-in-law to speak with her. I never went to see her with the intentions of quarreling, but she raised hell and almost beat me up. The situation at that time became so bad that my mother and mother-in-law were not seeing eye-to-eye.

As if it wasn’t enough, I got promoted at work when all these were going on. Adekunle, who had been neutral all along, then joined.

I became very sad and what was happening at home started to affect my job which eventually made me get close to Niran (not his real name) a colleague of mine at work.

I have to correct the impression that Niran encouraged me to leave my husband’s house. I left when I could no longer take the heat. I didn’t leave my children intentionally, but Adekunle did not state the whole truth when he said the children were staying with us. He had taken the children to live with his mother without my consent and on this particular day, he coincidentally, brought them home, because he wanted to pack more of their stuffs to his mother’s house.

My relationship with Niran and what happened between us had no bearing with my coming back to Adekunle. It is true that he did not re-marry, neither did I, but he also had relationships that I knew of. I have always loved him and I still do. I felt we both have made our mistakes and we could make things work if he could find a place in his heart to forgive me.

No mother in her right- thinking senses would abandon her children. I made several attempts to see my children, but my mother-in-law would not allow me. She kept changing their schools; my sister-in-law could attest to this fact.

As I stated earlier, I did not write you to trade ‘blames’ I want to be with him again. I desire that he forgives me if he could. I have two other children who cannot or can never become liabilities to him. My situation is not as bad as he painted it. Yes, I am out of job, but I have a thriving business I am into.

If he can, he should forgive me and have me back, that is all I ask for.
Adun.

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Hm... This Life
written by Pels, January 05, 2012

Hw i wishd u stayd when d whole thing was happening, mayb u yielded 2 quickly 2 ur friends advice. Do u ever think if u re bk in d rlatnship and things go tough u would like to stay and not leave him alone again. I think what u need to think of is 4givenes and how to take care of dos children u left behind b4(i mean playing ur part as a mother). Learn to put d past bhind u and move on wit ur life. Just 4get abot coming back. Its well wit us all. Amen!!!

LAME EXCUSE!
written by Amanda, January 05, 2012

This is a LAME EXCUSE! Are you not coming back to meet the same mother-in-law now?
When a woman has her heart outside, she can find excuse with any anything!
If you wanted to see your children, YOU COULD!
If the guy had not left you, would you be asking for forgiveness??? Please, madam! Your type disgrace women!
Yes, i hope he forgives you because GOD asks us to forgive those who offends us..BUT HE SHOULD NOT TAKE YOU BACK AS HIS WIFE!!!
Since you can take care of yourself and your 2kids, why are you pestering the guy's life? YOU CAN BE A SINGLE PARENT, chikenna!

Flimsy defence
written by Jami, January 05, 2012

Adun,
your defence is like a sweet wine that lacks substance.
You messed up big time! you undermine the significance of marriage institution and treated it as if it were boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. You should have sought amicable solution to all these issues instead of calling the bluff of your husband. Now, you are back to square one. However , it is not beyond redemption. Go close to your God, pray that the hearts of all concerned be touched, and the wounded healed. your husband, mother and mother-in-law and wait for God's wish

This can be worked out if
written by Andy Anderson, January 05, 2012

Having taken my time to digest your own side of this heart touching story and that of your wedded husband, I would at this point state here that you did the right thing by coming up to air your own side of what happened. It is painful to read from both of you. We are not a judge here but mortal human beings with our own problems.

Senior Prophet T.B. Joshua said and I quote “No two perfect people on the face of this earth” In my earlier contribution to what your wedded husband’s own part of the story, I said that only deliverance can reconcile both of you and that you needed deliverance and that ONLY the Holy spirit of God can handle this situation.

Marriage is all about endurance, tolerance and other factors that affect marriages like what you stated on your own part of the story. From your explanation, what you did was wrong by parking out from your matrimonial home to now commence another relationship with another man, same office because you were passing through marital problems. In every problem married homes faces, it is a means to strengthen us. Perseverance should be a key word for married couples. Because of your children’s sake, you should have hanged in there and let him throw you out. Because you found peace in the arms of a colleague in your NGO office must have been part of what swept you off from your wedded home. People should learn from this kind of situation. Devil can only look for peaceful homes to break hence what you experienced.

Yes, your husband must have had affairs while you were gone but was not married. That justified that it was not that he was out to run his home down by having another woman come in to take your place as you did. Yours was that you left home to stay with a colleague as you claimed you were not married to him, but the result was having children out of wedlock.

There was communication breakdown and both of you should have worked out this out and I believe that you people were not devoted God fearing people hence you could not work out the problem that you claimed that broke the camels back. False accusation must spring up in any relationship or married homes, but it depends on how one handles it. Yours, I believe was arrogance and greed for social display of where you are coming from. “I can handle it without you’. From the bible, woman should be submissive to her husband. God did not say we will not have problems. That is why marriage is “for better for worse”

Please, I suggest you go to SCOAN and seek the face of God here as I said; ONLY The Holy Spirit can reconcile your family. Seek the face of God. Since you have realized your mistake as a prodigal son, I believe that God Almighty will reconcile your home and even the kids in question from your illicit affairs will be seen by your wedded husband as his, if Holy Spirit is involved here. Your own children from your wedded husband will equally forgive you ONLY if the Holy Spirit is involved. I pray that God Almighty shall bring peace and the love you people had when you first met will be ignited. Good luck.

...
written by Blesheg, January 05, 2012

Adekunle no doubt had his own fault bt Most of the fault came from Adun.adekunle couldnt hav taken the children out of the house without cause,i believ adun frustrated him to do so,coupled wit d fact he is in a traumatised condition of no job.The greatest mistake was Adun moving out.Adekunle pointed out that he still loves her,therefore LOVE covers a multitude of SIN.Let love prevail in this situation.

Mrs
written by Pat, January 05, 2012

I guess this Lady is really sick.what did she mean by "It is true that he did not re-marry, neither did I".She did not re-marry, yet she has two other children who cannot or can never become liabilities to him.It is a pity.Obviously she was not in her right thinking sense when she left her children and she is still not in her right thinking sense, otherwise, why on earth would she ever consider coming back to this poor man.For Christ sake, I am married and have a mother in-law too,why on earth would I hold anything said by my mother in-law against my husband?It doesnt make sense.Please let her continue living her life and leave her poor husband to his fate.

...
written by adekunle gbeminiyi.o., January 05, 2012

dear taiwo
to the husband.... i have read both sides..... all i just want to say is that the husband should pls take back the wife....she has realised her mistakes.....please beg the husband to forgive her......

Is it practicable in Yorubaland?
written by Jimi Oyetomi, January 05, 2012

The type of reconciliation being sought by Adun: that she should be pardoned to be re-married to the husband after going out to have children outside their earlier marriage may be very difficult to achieve in Nigeria and Yorubaland in particular. Well, Adun, your husband can forgive you as well as your children but getting back to him as a wife, please forget that. It is a pipe dream. Are you advising him to thereafter go on to have additional children by you after the re-union and the other children who are not his, being in-between? Yes, I heard you well when you said they can never be a burden to him. That notwithstanding, please forget this you pipe dream of getting back to your husband as a wife. Go on with your business and your releationship with Niran or whoever.

Ojogbon
written by SteveO, January 05, 2012

I found both Adekunle and Adun very honest couple. It is very rare to get couples that are absolutely honest to themselves as the two - even though they have lived apart for some time. No doubt, Adekunle was pained by the turn out of events in his otherwise very sweet marriage. I could also feel that he was likely a very faithful husband - who did not believe in abandoning his lovely children even when their mother was living apart. I also confess that Adun strikes me as a very humble woman who would publicly accept that she made some mistakes. Other women would have probably resulted to blackmail and bare face lying. It is for the above reasons i wish to make the following humble contributions: 1. Every marriage on Earth has its plus and minus sides, 2. As humans, we are all subject to making mistakes. To err is man. 3. Even as sinful as humans are, God forgives us so long as we acknowledge our sins and forsake them. 4. Despite the many years of separation, it is obvious that Adekunle and Adun are still deeply in love not only with themselves, but with their two children. 5. Adekunle's mother seems to me to be the "orisa" that must be appeased in this matter! 6 Finally, i want the couple to realize that their coming together will bring a lot more positive sides to their lives than negative. It is obvious that they, their children and their families will benefit more if they will find the courage to come back together. I wish to plead with Adekunle to note that he will be doing his lovely children a lot of goods by allowing them to unite with their mother in a sweet family setting again. His mother will never succeed in bringing up these children the way he and their mother would do - in Christ-like (Agape) - love. It is for these lovely children in particular that i wish to plead with Adekunle to take his wife back especially now that she has realized her mistakes and is willing to come back. To the rest of us, let us continue to pray for the couple. God can do it in ways that we may not know. Let us pray that Adekunle's mother will not constitute a stumbling block to what God can do to restore this marriage. The old women lived her life with her husband, she should allow these people to live their lives peacefully with their children. I wish them luck.

...
written by Omoba , January 05, 2012

Adun first of all u got married to Adekunle not his mom , been an educated woman and a Nigerian woman , u should know the mentality of Nigerian mothers , I for one will not pronounce judgment on u " cuss to err is human " forgive is divine " woman u don born two kids for another man , Kunle never born with another woman .. U left him during his days at the valley of dry bones.. Now u wan come bck ? Hahahahahah ur juju man really dey brave ooo.. Move on with ur life and leave the man , the trust is broken , it might no be the same love again, let Adekunle be .. Goodluck .

Re: I wish he would find a place in his heart to forgive me
written by leye, January 05, 2012

How pathetic. The deed has been done. You have made your decision and should be bold enough to live with it. What on earth should make a woman leave her children to be with a concubine. If the man's wife had not come would you be willing to leave him to be with your husband? Many women face bigger troubles from their mothers-in-law and still endure because of their home.

Re: I wish he could find a place...
written by Es3, January 05, 2012

Adun,

In my part of this country called Nigeria, women have been known to endure physical abuse from their husbands and every effort by relations (and at times, friends) to make them call it quits fail for just one reason only - the child or children of the marriage!

But here, it is obvious that things never degenerated to the level of physical abuse in your marriage with Ade before you left him for pleasure, comfort and pride of life?

Secondly, I'm yet to be convinced that if the other man's wife did not return (as she suddenly did along the line)and your highly paying NGO job had not ended you may not have remembered that your ex-husband and children of your 'only true marriage' exist?!

Your sudden repentance was forced on you by circumstances as against that which would have arisen from a momentary realisation of your straying away at a time when all was still good, rosy and intact for you?!

Now Adun, I would want Ade to forgive you but I can not say anything about your planned return into his house as his wife. The decision will have to be his and his alone?!But he should not forget to ask God for directions!!!

Never allow your extended family into secrets of your nuclear family!!
written by Yemmie, January 05, 2012

Adun,
It is so unfortunate that both of you are not maritally matured at heart! - to be matured physically for marriage is one thing and to be maritally matured is a thing of spirit and mind. Of course, if you love Kunle, you supposed to stick unto him no matter what (....remember the altar oath, "wherever you go, I go, your GOD shall be my GOD; FOR BETTER, FOR WORSE)! But in your own case now,it is for better I stayed,for worse I left; for better again I am back....!!!- Is it now you know you love him and wish to be with him - Sorry for you!!!.
In another angle, you are not a good mother to your children, no matter what, you don't leave them for another woman to take care of them without your consent(All your above excuses for leaving them behind are rubbish and pray that those children will find places in their hearts to forgive you - there are 1001 women today suffering in matrimony or somewhere else because of their children!!).
On a good sense and note, no right man will take you back as wife after you'd left him in the 1st place. Th4, I urge Kunle not to take you back, but should forgive you.
However, for both of you (Adun & Kunle) and people outside there, this is a good lesson, never allow those women called mother-in-laws to dictate the tune of your homes for you, for they will destroy it 'cos of raging jealous for their children well being!!!. There is a saying that " He who yielded to woman's advices & utterances is a fool, he who does not take to it, is a compound fool!!!; therefore you need to use your senses b4 taking action.........Under no condition must you also allow third party to pokenose into your marital affairs.
One of the best time for couple to be careful is when there is problem in their household - they should watch their utterances and actions. Always show unflinching support, love and prayer for each other. Always pray fervently b4 you even enter into marriage!!!
Meanwhile, Kunle, under no condition must you take Adun back as wife, but pls forgive her for the sake of you people's children. Both of you should go and find someone's else to marry or remain unmarried forever (It depend). Pls, be careful at this junction, don't be deceived. Good luck.

...
written by JP, January 05, 2012

After reading both side of the story, I strongly suggest that both of you should forgive each other and live apart because except you want to decieve yourself thing can never be the same again.

...
written by Japharable, January 05, 2012

Pretext is of no need. If you are truly sorry you shld ask for his forgiveness since you still love each others. Wishing you the best of luck.

Re:I wish he would find a place in his heart to forgive me!
written by Olumolar, January 05, 2012

My Dear sister, I admire your courage to come out bold to accept your mistakes, my advice to both of you is that you need to go back to God for forgiveness and should then move MORE closer to God in this your situation and seeks God direction and intervention on this matter and future steps.

Thanks
Olumolar

for better for stay, for worst for tule (run)
written by Samist, January 05, 2012

My sister, you left your home and family for another man's home when things were bad, you went out to experiment and things were going fine not until this time that the experiment turned bad, you then remembered that there was a home which you left and which your former husband with the help of God has worked hard to rebuild.
Let me ask you these questions
1. if Ade were still in the state you left him, would you have remembered coming back?
2. if the wife of your new husband hasn't come back, would you have equally remembered Ade?
3. Lastly if you are still maintaining your lucrative job, would you have remembered Ade?
My advise is that you should be asking for forgiveness from Ade and your children, and then move on with your life, after all you didn't lose everything you were able to plant some seeds in your new husband's home.
You should allow Ade to move on with his life, but if he decides to have you back, goodluck.

A wise forgive but Never to forget
written by Abiola Sunday, January 06, 2012

In-fact i summon your courage to speak the truth and i believe your line of honesty, I'm due to use this channel to plead to Adekunle to find a place in his heart to forgive you but never to forget all your wrong did and never to allow you back to his life as you already a forbid things to his world you already engage in another marriage and with children and you already tasted two side and you know the better one and why u want to back to your first husband what abut the father of your two children also you want to leave him and back to Adekunle again you are wicked woman and a kind of prostituted, forget the love you are claiming if you truly love Adekunle you shouldn't go at first place and you will fight to secure your husband and your child,let assume you don't go to another man i should have advice Adekunle to reconsider and forgive and forget but now you are already so my advice to Adekunle forgive her but don't forget and don't allow her back to your life. and i will advice Adekunle to allow her to see her children.

...
written by madu, January 06, 2012

woman,i wnt u to saech ur hrt,if u hv nt lost ur job;lost d man,had GOD nt lift kunle again finiacialy wld u hv come back to him,u abandond ur 2kids hv 2for other man,woman wt do u wnt?u cn't eat ur cake nd hv it.i plead wth him to fogive u bt i dnt advice him to tk u back bcs dt wll b dangerous,u cn nt b trusted.thx madu chicago usa.

U need to read from the mother- in- law too
written by adebola, January 06, 2012

I want to say at this point that Adun may be lieing or saying the truth about the mother -in-law.So for those judging the mother-in-law pls try to get info from the mother-in-law before you crucify the mother-in-law.Adun is just a liar,bad mother and adultrous and furnicator ex-wife.After 2 children u now wnat to come back,i want adekunle to forgive u but u need to go to God through fasting and prayers and ask for forgiveness,u did not marry niran but u gave him 2 children,u shd be ashamed of urself.U dont have shame at all.Pls adekunle forgive her and continue with ur life my brother.

All will be well Adun and Adekunle.
written by Ojo oyepeju, January 06, 2012

Adun,I lv ur courage that you came out boadly 2 accept ur fault.pls Adekunle,kindly find a place in ur heart 2 4giv Adun since she has acepted her fault.I pray the peace of the Lord wl flow in ur marriage IJN.

-1

mr
written by OLAGOKE AREMU, January 06, 2012

my advise to the man is that pls and pls dont take the woman back she has choosen the part she want.she might have a hidden agenda to kill you now that she is no longer working .pls look for other girl out of all these over aged -yet unmarried girl and settled down or look for a widow who has manners.these our former wife is a killer.

mr
written by OLAGOKE AREMU, January 06, 2012

dont take her back kunle

IF HE CAN FORGIVE
written by Omoolomo, January 06, 2012

Yes, Adun, you were absolutely right to ask for Kunle's forgiveness. But have you considered this; if he forgives you and God refuses, what happened. You did not offend Kunle but God. Go to God, marry God, and stay with God. Is it sex you want with Kunle, you have had enough from him and another man. Is it a child, you have gotten two from another man and Kunle. Is it money, it has been given to you by God before, but you squandered it. So, let Kunle be.

i wish he would find a place for me inhis heart.
written by solaa, January 06, 2012

This is a lesson for all couples. Marriage should be built on 'TRUST', and this only involves two people "a man and a woman" .These two people with God on their side should be able to control, dominate, take authority over any 'THIRD' party that may want to find a way of creepling into their mist ,just like Eve that allow satan to come inbtw 'HER & ADAM" and destroyed that glorious 'VISION' God have for their marriage. 2 of them should forgive and forget the past and jointly move forward to the future.

Woman, Note this.
written by Andy Anderson, January 06, 2012

If he can find a place ......
written by Them them, January 06, 2012

I have read all the 16 comments so far,if we were to cast vote,the majority are in the favor of forgiven her,but not to taking her back. Adekunle, Adekunle, Adekunle how many time have I called you? Three times majority of the commentators are married.heed their advice and move on with your life,forgive but don't take her back,otherwise you will end up shortening your days hear on earth. 2,Alternatively if you still want to take her back,put her on probation for like two -three years let her stay in her house,while you shuttle to go and see her with the children in her house ,until you see genuine repentance in her after the expiration of probation time the take her back with her excess luggage,the children are the product of the mistake she made and could be a blessing to all of you when your re old.remain blessed.

-1

I wish he would find a place in his heart to forgive me!
written by Umaru, January 06, 2012

Statistically majority are in the favor of Adekunle forgiving her but not taking her back.aim of the opinion, having read all the previous comment that: you should forgive her,take her back after some years of thorough assessement of her conduct .the devil you know is better than the one you don't know.carry the excess luggage too,children are blessing from God,they will support you guys, latter in life,after all you don't know what will become of them in future.

-2

For you
written by Andy Anderson, January 06, 2012

...
written by Fadahunsi, January 06, 2012

Dear Taiwo,
I must confess you are doing a great job here. Bridging home and restoring peace to broken homes is very rewarding both on earth and in heaven. The letters from both Kunle and Adun showed they still have love and affection for each other. I am not here to apportion blames to either of them but to join millions of readers of this column to plead with Kunle to forgive Adun and accept her back. Kunle should know that their letters have taught my wife and I a lot of lessons on how to guard our family against external incursion that may arise from our families, friends and the general public. Mr. Kunle, please accept the sincere apology of your beloved wife, Adun so that both of you can live a peaceful life together once again.

Thanks.

Fadahunsi.

-1

''I want to be with him again''
written by Ortyom, January 07, 2012

Adun, is unfortunate, i can not personally advise that you be brought back by Kunle, cos you are a lier, killer and a Prostitute.I called you a peostitute cos you never married to Niran but had 2 kids for him and you now want to leave him as you abandoned your husband, these all prove to me that you can not settle for a man, i called you a Killer cos you killed Kunle but he did not die when you left him in the most bitterest anguish, i called you a lier cos you have affirmed that Kunle also made mistakes together with you this is pure lie, only you made a mistake.In view of all the above stated reasons i advise you to look for your Business partner this time around as you are fond of taking solace with colleagues at times of love vacuum, and leave Kunle alone.

...
written by adefemi, January 09, 2012

Its unfortunate that Adun couldnt stay in her marriage and became adulterous.whatever the situation.Marriage is for better for worse.You should have weathered the storm.I dont expect you to want to comeback.I ask your husband to forgive you but not to take you back.wishing you all the best.

I wish he ll find a place to forgive me in his heart
written by Osayuki, January 09, 2012

Adekunle u er a true african man.so its gud u forgive her bt nt to ve her as a wife,cos if truely she luvs nd care for u nd d kids she wodnt ve abandon u whn u nded her most no mata wht ur mum says to her cos u choosed her as ur wife nd nt ur mum,nd she wod ve dated diff men witout ving kids bt is just dt nemesis got up wit her dt d man nw tru her out of d house nw she is nw tikin of comin bk cos ur glory has com.u ve to surely forgiv her bt dnt accept her as a wife cos mayb her comin bk is to kill u so as to control all ur asset so dt ur blood kils nd d odas ll nw b equal right.

Pleading for forgiveness by Adun
written by Odun, January 09, 2012

Though the story is heartfelt and sympathetic but the couples should understand that forgiveness is very paramount in the side of God. Hence i will advice kunle to fogive Adun with evidence that Adun has a Godly sorrow and genuie repentance for her wrong and terrible decision. As my heart bleeding for this couple may the intervention and mercy of God felt in this family thereby the lost love and peace will return to their midst.

Re:
written by Ade@Chicago, January 09, 2012

Hmmm! This is an interesting story. I would rather tell you, Adun, that you are a devil. You ought to be banished from living among human race. A murderer, and poisinous snake. Kunle can, and will forgive you; however, he will never have you as wife, or allow you in his home anymore. You discovered things are not going good for you now due to your sins. God judgment is real, what you are facing now is God's judgment for what you and your family did to this righteous son of His. Now that nemesis had caught up with you. You decide to shed crocodile tears, and seeking for forgiveness, including that shameless mother of yours. I will advice you to look out for someone else, and leave this gentleman, called Kunle alone. You may visit, and meet your kids, if they forgive you at an agreed location whenever you want to, but I will advice Kunle to be fully armed with Police whenever such occasion arises as you can kill. The game is over for you with Kunle, go back to your office romance, or whatever. God forgive you, and answer your request for a new man soon. You can never eat your pudding, and still have it.

THIS REPENTANCE IS AFTER THOUGHT
written by Uzoma, January 10, 2012

Let me start again with saying that I am constrained to say my opinion on this rejoinder of Adun but for the fact that i owe both of them and the reading public my view which might help in strenghtening some marriages including mine. I don't want to be forced into believing that the so much preached about love/repentance of Adun only became necessary when Niran abandoned her and her two kids. If this is so, it then means that the repentance is circumstantial. What it truly means is that she chose to toe the new line because of the circumstances she now finds herself. And this include(1) Niran having abandoned her, (2) the lost of her NGO plum job, (3) the responsibility of single handedly taking care of Niran's two children, (4) the shame of being seen as having been out of two relationships and (5) Adekunle's present condition/position. When all these are put together, I can authoritatively say that this is not a genuine repentance and love. The period between when Adun left Adekunle and her kids to the time she is now asking for forgiveness and reunion is too wide that she should have done this long before now even when the going was still rosy between her and Niran and even before Adekunle was able to find his feet again. It is only if this had happened that I would have been convinced that the repentance and love being canvassed now is a real one from the heart. There is no gain saying that Adekunle loved Adun abinitio but the later played down on this and believed she could do any thing and still ask for forgiveness any day and the former as a humble and loving person he is, will always forgive her. No true marriage works that way. There must be a balance in the level of love between couples. I read some people suggesting that Adekunle should accept back Adun and her kids from Nniran as they believe these kids will draw down the heavens for him in future. Please bear in mind that these are another man's children that will one day look for their true biological father. I also read some suggestions that Adekunle should allow Adun back into his life so that she can reunite with her kids as well as take care of them. Which care is she going to show these kids now that they are almost adults. Is it the same care she denied them when they needed it most? Having said all these, it is my advice that Adekunle just like I said in my first contribution when we have not read from Adun, to forgive her but keep her at arms lenght. Although he reserves the right to do what he seems right irrespective of our individual and collective advices, my final advice is that he should allow God to lead him in taking his final decision on this matter. Good luck.

...
written by Onyekachi okoroafor, January 10, 2012

I think u really need to appologise to your husband.

Re: I wish he would find a place in his heart to forgive me!
written by Richly, January 10, 2012

My comment is that two wrongs do not make a right. I like the fact that you stated your part of the story & asked for his forgiveness but it's important that some things are resolved first. Much as the situation then wasn't enough for you to have left, he still doesn't see that he contributed to the conditions that made you leave. Secondly, has he resolved the issue of your mother-in-law saying you took his glory (whatever that means)? The fact is, love is not enough. It's clear that you both still love each other but coming back together with these two issues unresolved will not be wise cos of what they might cause later which I'll state. One of them is that he'll feel he's doing you a big favour by accepting you back. You obviously are not a very very patient person so I wonder how long you'll put up with that attitude from him. Secondly, your husband will not be firm with your mother-in-law which can bring up & sustain unresolved issues between you both. If he's forgiving you, the onus is on him to explain to the children what happened, not forgetting the fact that your mother-in-law didn't help her in reaching out to them. I wish you all the best..

it is too late
written by Gbenga Ayodele, January 11, 2012

It is evident that:
1. the wowan inquestion was actually usng the husband star.
2. her second husband star was not good enough.
3. she has been told that without going back to her husband, things would be difficult for her.
4. her comming back to her ist husband would be on a revenge mision
5. the second husband will definately try his best in making sure that the ist husband did not enjoy the relationship.
6. the ist husband should as a matter of factwatch his back very well or else......

-1

Mr
written by jed, January 11, 2012

Pls pray and trust God. The only mistake u made was that u packed away from ur matrimonial home; u ought to have stayed back and trust God for help. Ensure u give ur heart to Christ and trust God for help

Re:i wish he would find a place in his heart 2 4give me
written by Olumide@fidelity, January 11, 2012

Honestly speaking,i've been highly moved by various comments & advice on this forum.But,my comment or whatever u may call it would rather wear a different Uniform.It's d most easiest thing 2 pass judgement on others,Even,d fool is d best @ doing this.Most of us have @ one occation or d other made a similar or a more consequential decision which might change our entire destiny 4ever.But i'm glad 2 share dis with u.we have an ever-4giving,loving & faithfull Father(GOD),who doesn't care about our ugly past,but a radical change of heart.believe me sincerely,there is no sin that fall short of divine 4giveness.."i've never found one"In light of dis,i would love 2 advise d subjects of dis resolute forum 2 subject their fate in2 God's hand.I WISH U WELL!

Re: I wish He will find a place in His Heart to forgive me
written by Idowu Gidigbi, January 11, 2012

Dear Taiwo,
This story make an intresting reading and there are lots of lessons to be learnt there. I wish our young ones will have time to read life experience like this instead of using more of their time on social networks looking for another person that they will render heart broken.

As for the Husband, please find a place in your heart to forgive her and know that if not for God that want to make you laugh last you may still be struggling to put food on your table with little or no success. God will help you keep your home intact and I will never advise you to take her back.

As for the wife, what make you think that you can ever become a good wife and can you convince me that its not true that you are using his star. Why did he make progress after you left him and not near poverty your star brought to him, can you tell the world what are the terms of taking back, has wife with all definition and right of wife or as house
help to take care of house core. Why do you now prefer this man to the other man you have two children for. I will advise you that you should let that man be and if you need man in your life go for another one because the claim that you are using his star is still there and am seeing that man incuring a great curse of his family that stood by him when you have escuse to abandon him and your children. Ask only for forgiveness and forget taking you back.

contribution
written by onyee, January 11, 2012

i think u the man should know that marriage is between two people third party is not allowed this includes the mother inlaws,but of you are guilty of the samething,so if both of u still love eachother then get back and never breakup again and i think ur marriage will be better

Re:i wish he would find a place in his heart 2 4give me
written by Friday Etop, January 16, 2012

I sincerely think you do not merit the forgiveness you are asking for. If you said your husband was proud hence you could not assist him when the chips were down then you need to think again.

However, I implore your husband to rethink his stand and have mercy because I believe that God has predestined everything in life and this is his own fate. Swallow your pride because your case became printable when God lifted you up again (and for this cause) that others may take lessons from your experience and correct the difference in thier marriage before it snowballs into Adun's situation.

HAPPY RE-UNION!!!!!!!!!

Re- I wish he would forgive me
written by Morayo, January 16, 2012

I can never understand our culture or thinking when it comes to marriage in Africa, If a man had done all Adun did and he comes strolling in again (not even begging o) they would tell you to take him back but because a woman is suppossedly at fault now it is unheard of. It's a shame, Adun face your life, beg for your husband's forgiveness, you both erred but it is not a do or die affair if he does not take you back.
Goodluck

DEVIL'S WORK
written by mummybolu, January 18, 2012

Adun, i so much appreciate your courage for coming out and accepting that you're guilty. Firstly, you claimed to be legally married to Adekunle, when he took the kids to his mother, you should have gone to seek for their custody from the court. Secondly, you moved out of your matrimonial home to live with another man, that means your husband might have been sensing that you are having extra marital affair which made him to take his kids away from your reach. Well all those are past. Now about your request, an average nigerian man can hardly still continue to be married to you especially now that you have 2 kids outside his home. Even if you don't have kids, no nigerian man can accept you back after you have been having nice time with another man for years and he even knows about it. Woman, you better forget getting married to Adekunle and stay unmarried. Don't force yourself on him because definitely he cannot forget the fact that you had kids for another man and that alone can make him to abandon you at home and get married to another girl in future. Think about it!

forgiveness and mercy bring life JOY
written by nyfe, January 25, 2012

to be sincere, we must not condemn anyone because only GOD knows how its all started."OUR TONGUE". i think u both should forget each other and forget -it hard but its a period of trial, pls do. trials comes in different ways to destroy homes- sufficient grace alone brings VICTORY. accept her and adopt d kids please.GOD IS VERY MUCH INTERESTED IN UR CASE DATS Y U STILL LOVE EACHOTHER. ADEKUNLE, GOD HAS FOUGHT 4U and still fighting 4 u. please, DONT LET GOD GET ANNOYED WITH U. love overcometh all things. Nife