I thought he was a brother, but he raped me!

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I thought he was a brother, but he raped me!

Wednesday, 08 February 2012

Dear readers,
Today”s writer lost her pride as a woman to a trusted brother in Christ, who was also trusted by all her family members.
She is bitter about the experience but she cannot tell anybody. She needs your help.
Thanks, Monica Taiwo

Dear Taiwo,
Something happened to me exactly two weeks ago that I find difficult to share with anybody. I am afraid no one will believe me. I also could not tell my parents because I don’t know if they would believe me.

I was raped by a member of our church. We are both members of the church choir. He spoke with me the day before Christmas that he would like to date me, but I told him that I was not interested. I was shocked at what he asked of me because he was is like a brother to me. My parents took him like a family member and he was a regular visitor to our house until after the incident of two weeks ago.

After he asked me to date him and I refused, he started behaving funny and he told me to forget that he ever asked me out. I promised to forget and not tell anybody. I kept my word and did not tell anybody, not even my elder sister that is very close to me.

Whenever we had choir practice, I don’t go home straight; I normally stop at the church and go home afterwards. On this particular day, Uncle Ben met me on the church premises, waiting. He said he left the office early and decided to come to the church to wait because if he went home, he wouldn’t have been able to make it.

He asked if I have eaten, I said yes. He asked me to come with him because he wanted to go and have something to eat. Innocently, I followed him because I never thought he could have another motive. We went to an eatery close by, I did not eat anything, I only took a bottle of Coke, while he ate

After food, he asked that I accompany him to his house as he wanted to pick a document for the choir. If I knew he had other plans for me, I would have asked that he excused me and would have gone back to the church.

I went to his house with him because I had been there before; I had no cause to think otherwise. Aunty Taiwo, I still could not believe how it happened or what happened. It was too sudden for me to comprehend that Uncle Ben raped me.

He raped and deflowered me. After he had achieved his aim, he started begging me that he did not know what came over him. I went
home; I couldn’t attend the choir practice. I also haven’t been able to tell anybody since then.

I am very ashamed. Uncle Ben also said he was travelling and he had stopped coming to church. I have not seen him since then. I am also afraid of getting pregnant.

I am 16, I wrote my SSCE last year, but unfortunately, I didn’t meet the cut-off mark to study Law at the university of my choice. My parents registered me at a coaching class where I will study for my Unified Tertiary Matriculation Examination (UTME).

What should I do? Please, advise me.
Tessy.

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Tell your parents
written by SJ, February 09, 2012

Tell your parents and/or your pastor. A rapist strength comes from the fact that the victim is usually too afraid to speak. You will be surprise you are not his first victim and that he may try to rape you again.

let your sister or another relative help you tell your parents. AS long as God knows you are telling the truth, you will be fine whether people believe you or not.

Also, you need to get tested for HIV, hepatitis B, pregnancy etc

Do it.
written by tseuns, February 09, 2012

It simple d only way out now is 2 cnfess first to d church ur pastor and then ur parent as the church wil hlp sort that out. The Lord stil holds u faithful and a virgin. Dnt loose ur mind and go worse. Urs tseuns.08098475265.

Inform your mother.
written by Jidbo, February 09, 2012

Tessy my advice is that you let your mother know about the incident so dat she wil take you to the hospital for test and if possible wash your stomach to prevent pregnancy or other related matter as for that uncle leave him to God for judgment.

RE:HE RAPED ME!
written by WaleAdeniji, February 09, 2012

This is so sad! Young girl, you just have to open up to your parents and let them know what has happened. They're the closet persons to you and they're wiser than you as those who gave birth to you. You will be undoing yourself to continue to keep it from them. Well, it has happened! I wish the man will pay dearly for his sins. It has become very difficult to trust anyone nowadays. People needs to be careful of the so called brothers and sisters in the church. Many are just brothers and sisters in calling and far from being so. God help you!

tell your praents, sister, pastor immediately
written by otito, February 09, 2012

Young lady, pls tell your parents and suster first and then your pastor. I am sure they will know how to handle it. and you shud be firm when telling them so that nobody will say that you are at fault. May GOD heal your broken heart and settle you beautifully in life. Amen

-1

...
written by Polite, February 09, 2012

I will advice u 2 go 4 a pregnancy test 4 verification b4 any ting

-1

PREVENT PREGNANCY AND FORGET ABOUT IT, Low-rated comment [Show]

Mr
written by Ige, February 09, 2012

Tell your parents and the pastor before this man goes into thin air.

i thought he was a brother but he raped me
written by jummy, February 09, 2012

Sorry Tessy but you made a mistake for keeping it to youself, you would have cried home immediately after the deed or confinded in your sister maybe she would have helped you out.Assuming you eventually become pregnant what will you do? i will advice you tell your parents should in case anything happen or discuss it with your sister she might be of help.All the best

...
written by jummy, February 09, 2012

Dear taiwo, am a regular reader of your column and i have something bothering me that i want to discuss so that you can advice me on very important and urgent please how do i sent my message my phone nos are; 08030752327,07057303848

...
written by Olugbemiga, February 09, 2012

Young Lady, though you were deceived so as to be deflowered by that man but I still believed he did it with your permission. Nobody can a wooden stick into the bottle that is not stable. If you valued your chastity above the condition he put you now, you would have cried out for help while trying to undress you no matter how small you are. But now that it has happened, you have to be opened to your parents & Pastor for counselling. May God helps you.

Mr
written by Anifowose Daniel, February 09, 2012

I think the best thing to do is to tell your parents, narrate everything to them without hidden anything for them. Also, that man so called 'brother must be apprehend, it is can of stupidty to do such a thing. You also must be blame by the time he treating you for love affairs, why don't you inform your parents or your elder sister. Well, what is going to happen must happen. Take it easy and sorry for that. May the Lord fight for you. We love you.

YOU ALREADY KNEW HE WERE NOT A BROTHER
written by Uzoma, February 09, 2012

Dear Tessy, first I want to fault the caption of your story because this guy had already proved he isn't a brother to you when he asked you to date him. You see God reveals things to his beloved prior to any incident and it is only when we refuse to listen to his voice that calamity comes our way. You may not like what I am saying but I will be doing you a great dis-service if I do not tell you where and how you should share from the bulk of the blame. Yes initially you took him as a brother but when he opted to date you, the hand writing became clear that he was something else. What do a little girl like you wait behind to do at the church when you close from choir. Why would you accompany this guy who had earlier proved to you that he is out for a sinister motive home un accompained. You can now see the result of your careless and carefree attitude. I am talking to you as a father. I am an Anglican Church Chorister for close to fifty years and this is what we the elders continue to preach to you little ones to always go home straight whenever choir practice is over. The deed is done. You have lost your virginity at this tender age due to carelessness when there are ladies at thirty and above who are still intact. I heard someone say God allowed it to happen hence you should take it cool. That is sheer rubbish just to console you. Please report this to your parents immediately as you couldn't do so the day of the incident and leave the rest action for them. Good luck.

Stand up to ur feet,and say No to ur defeat
written by Damolachi, February 09, 2012

Little sis,i think u shuld go to the clinic for a check up,cos u need attention................Damolachi

comment
written by Eunice, February 09, 2012

My dear sister i pray that God will heal your wound, seek the face of God first then discuss the matter with your parents they know better than you do, as for the useless man calling himself brother God will surely judge him accordingly it is well

RE: I THOUGHT HE WAS A BROTHER BUT HE RAPED ME
written by Glory, February 09, 2012

As I read your story, I feel so ashame and sad for this country called Nigeria. It's so bad that even the adults are being raped day and night. A thirty-five (35) year old woman just been raped and deflowered in Ibadan. My dear, it's unfortunate, the deed has already been done. Rise up on your feet and inform your parent and your Pastor as well. This shameless man must be punished. At least his punishment will bring some succur to your soul before he elopes.

Why keep this?
written by Andy Anderson, February 09, 2012

Open up to your parents. Note, never you in life trust church members because everybody that comes to church have different agenda.
Who knows how many people he has done this to. Never trust anybody and also go for a medical text.Too bad.

Mr
written by cyril, February 10, 2012

tell your parents and free your mind. until you do that you ill not have peace of mind to face your study and church.

he raped me
written by fasakin g, February 10, 2012

my advice is to tell ur mother so that she will be able to take care of u mentally,spiritully, and medically.It is well with u.

Rape Case
written by Pastor Yemi, February 10, 2012

It is quite unfortunate to hear of the pathetic story of how you were raped by a so called brother and a choir leader.
My advice for you is to tell your parent first and let them take you to hospital for necessary medical checks.
Also let your local church pastor be informed as genuine pastors are trained on how to handle issues likes this biblical and also keep confidentiality. The said brother has become a cancer in the church and should be dealt with appropriate highest disciplinary measures in the church by the pastor and Church council, lest he continues with his evil dealings, and continue to prey unchecked on other young ladies in the church.
I pay sincerely to God to give you emotional stability, and the grace to put this behind you as you move on the brighter future that God has for you. Although you may have lots your physical virginity, but you are still a virgin of Christ, and don’t allow any man to dis-virgin you again!
It is well with you.

Rapist in the Church
written by Pastor Yemi, February 10, 2012

Re;He raped me
written by ayodele1, February 10, 2012

Tessy,
It is good that you voiced out. The did has been done and no need crying over spilled milk.Curosity killed the cat;why did you followed a man to his house at that ungodly hour. The truth is that you are interested in him being a member of choir too. There are two major depts the church is facing lots of challenges today;Choir and Ushering. I will advice you to tell your parents and Pastor.How old is the guy to be going out with a 16 year old baby. Or he is decived by your big physique? At that age as teenagers one wants to experiment with so many things, but you must allow the WORD of God and Godly counsel to rule you. Please and please close the tap, because the temptation will be greater now. God will keep you and you will excel. This should serve as catalyst to propel youto make something good at of your life. We all make mistakes, the earlier we realise and correct them, the better. Please face your studies and wait until you say I do before you do it again. God bless you.

...
written by Orkeghen Aondohemba, February 10, 2012

I am sorry for what happen to u. If I may ask, somebody who disclose his intention to u that he want to date u when u get to his house and he want to rape u u did not know? i am disappoint when u said u did not know how it happen because, i believe that guy was not alone in that compound is easy for u to struggle or shut to call attention of nieghbours. The best way for u is to go to ur pastor first and make the confessing even when u willingly give ur self to the guy, go and tell him, don't be ashame that will help ur life. hopes are not lost in Christ Jesus.

...
written by Tola Williams, February 10, 2012

Hello,i'm so sorry about your ordeal in the hand of this selfish fellow. unfortunately, your situations is not unique. it is a common things among some Nigerian men. i partly blamed you for not reporting the incidence immedietely to your parent or to the authority, however, it is not too late to do so. Rape is very serious allegations take action and get this child molester behind bar..

go 4 test to no what to do
written by myself, February 11, 2012

well. my dear sister l hv d same experience but in a diff. way but l thank GOD dt mine did not result to pregnant and l hv only tell it to no one except my most trusted God fearing spiritual mother which l no would never tell it to anyone. But my own advise 2u is dt, u should go 4 both pregnancy and infection test and if u are lucky 2 get a negative result, den l advise u forgive d guy and tell it to no one except ur future husband(4 him 2 no how u lost u virginity)nd pray 4 God courage as u move on with ur life. telling ur parent or ur pastor will only increase d no of pple dt will no ur situation. but if d result is other way round u can do dt of Ige

-1

...
written by FEMI_UK, February 13, 2012

Tessy,
Inform your parents and the pastor.
This guy is a rapist masquerading as a Christian. When a girl/lady says no sex, it should be no sex. Even if a married woman says no sex to her husband she should be respected. Regardless of whatever anybody might say this your so called Christian Brother violated you. He should be tracked down and be made to pay for his misdeed.

RAPED
written by Ugo R, February 13, 2012

Tseuns,there is nothing like confession on this issue.Some of you dont know kow to use some words appropriately.Maybe you are one of those so-called born again,that does not know the meaning of and concept of the words written in the Bible.
Let her report the matter to her parents(simple)

Im sorry.
written by Bernard Omomoh, February 13, 2012

You have to open up to someone.Open up to someone you trust who can not complicate the matter for you.If you trust your Pastor you can tell him and if it is your parent do so.But,never you tell your friends about it.
Young girl,dis guy has destroyed your life but you have to stand up boldly to build it up again.The thought is going to remain with you for life but do not allow it to destroy you.Summit yourself to Christ for complete healing thru prayers and deliverance.Keeping silent will never help you, tell someone who can help you.

Hmmmm
written by Sunday komfort desmond, February 14, 2012

Sorry but tell your parent or your pastor because if u later find out that u are pregnant it will not be that easy then go for HIV test i you are not his first victim

Report him
written by Theresa, February 15, 2012

My dear namesake, pls dont blame yourself or feel guilty for what happened, everbody makes mistakes. I once passed through the same experience and i blame myself everyday for being too ashamed to speak up and help prevent other girls from falliing victim to my attacker. The next person that so-called brother may attack will be younger than you, probably a baby. Unless you speak up, he will have no reason to stop.

I thought he was a brother, but he raped me!
written by BUKY, February 15, 2012

SWEETIE, YOU HAVE TO INFORM YOUR PARENT AND THE PASTOR OF YOUR CHURCH. THE MAN IS NEVER A CHRISTIAN. HE IS AN OPPORTUNIST AND DESERVED TO BE JAILED. IF YOU KEEP THIS TO YOURSELF YOU ARE DOING A LOT OF HAVOC TO YOUR SELF AND OTHER PEOPLE WHO IN FUTURE WILL TRUST THEIR CHILDREN WITH THIS MAN. THE EARLIER YOU DO THIS THE BETTER. THIS A LESSON FOR PARENTS NEVER TRUST YOUR WARDS WITH ANYONE INCLUDING BLOOD RELATED UNCLES AND AUNTIES. AS PARENT OUR MIND SHOULD ALWAYS BE BUT ON INQUIRY. THE ALMIGHTY GOD WILL HEAL YOU AND YOU SHALL MAKE IT IN LIFE. IT IS WELL WITH YOU.

...
written by Japharable, February 15, 2012

Hi Tessy, I am very sorry for what happened to you. Pls tell your sister about it and let her treat as confidential. Also, pls use contraceptive against unwanted pregnancy.

...
written by Mich, February 16, 2012

Pls go ahead and tell your sister, parents immediately without further delay so the problem will be sorted out headlong.

Declaration
written by Adedokun Adetunji, February 17, 2012

Lady declares what is happened to you to your parent because of your future sake. Tanx

Mr
written by Ubokobong okon, February 20, 2012

My dear,it has happen and there is not you can do about the past. I'l suggest you tell your senior sister about this so that she can help you do some necessary test to affirm your present state heathicaly. You over trusted him and also ignored the negative signals he was sending forth. Pray to God for forgiveness and the secondary virginity will be yours. God bless you.

...
written by prince Tobby, February 20, 2012

The point here is you have not told the truth and that is a problem with teenager like you.Your brother asked you for a relationship and you refused,is that not enough signal to avoid your so called brother?,at the begining you said that he came to church straight due to if he reach his house he could not make it to church that means his house is very far from your church,then after eating and drinking why did you agree to follow him ( a man who want to date you )to his house?.Anyway we know the definition of rape,as you don't want to do it that time it means he raped(forced)you that is right but at the age of 16 you surposed to be careful with all these brothers and pastors as i am sure you must have heard similar stories from other girl who was victim before you.