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My uncle raped me when I was 14
She read the story published on this page two weeks ago about the two-year-old girl that was sexually harassed by her uncle.
She was also a victim of sexual harassment; she was raped by her uncle at the age of 14.
She decided to share her story, so that others can learn.
I am a regular reader of your columns. My prayer is that the Lord will continue to strengthen you so that you will expose evil doers in our society.
I read with disgust the story published on this page about two weeks ago. I felt very sorry for that woman, Tolulope. I kept the copy of that story and everytime I went back to read it, I became convinced that I must write my story and that of my friend too – with her consent though.
Tolulope’s story and ours, I am convinced, should teach our parents a lesson, especially mothers. I am sure it would awaken them to the fact that nobody should be trusted, or better put, no man, whosoever he is, should be trusted with your daughter. Mothers should stand up and protect their daughters. Anu, Tolulope’s daughter, is still a baby, so there is every possibility that she might grow up and not remember this incident. Thank God, her mother did not say that the incident left any permanent damage on her. But what about people like us, who would carry this secret pain in our hearts for ever.
You are the second person I am sharing this story with and that is why I prefer to remain anonymous.
I was 14 years old when my uncle deflowered me, right in my father's house, under my parents' nose. But because they (my parents) trusted him and it would be my word against his, I could not tell anyone; and, of course, he warned me that if I told anyone, he would deny it and deal with me.
I am a final year student in one of the federal universities. This incident happened when I was in Senior Secondary School two (SS2). I wasn’t really too mature for my age; I was on the small side; but I had developed a woman’s body.
My parternal uncle, my grandmother’s last born, then a youth corps member, was posted to serve his fatherland where we were staying then, of course, it was natural for him to stay with us.
He was a good uncle and very friendly with us. I am the last of my parents' three children. My elder ones (both boys) were away in school leaving our housemaid and me in the house.
Initially, my uncle was nice and he was just a normal uncle everyone would wish for.
After about a month or so that he came to stay with us, he started behaving funny towards me. He would touch my bum, and sometimes he would pretend it was a mistake, then, he would touch my breasts. Then, I really didn’t know how to place his behaviour. In my mind, I would wonder if it was a mistake or he was doing it deliberately.
Because I couldn’t really say I was scared to discuss it with anybody, not even with our housemaid then because we were a little close. I made up my mind to avoid him.
I guess I overdid it because everybody noticed this. My parents mistook my attitude for pranks and they would scold me whenever he reported me.
On a day, I told my mother that I didn’t like how my uncle used to touch me. I didn’t know what really got into her, but she scolded me not to say such a thing again. She reminded me that the person I spoke about was my daddy’s younger brother. I had no choice, my situation then was between the devil and the deep blue sea.
My parents had to travel to daddy’s home town for a burial. We were all supposed to go together, but since my uncle said he had something to do, my parents decided that our housemaid and I should stay back at home. I pleaded with them to take me, but I was not lucky. In fact, daddy would have conceded but my mum refused.
It happened the next day. I was sleeping in my room, in the evening which I shared with our housemaid, but it was later that I learnt that my uncle had sent her on an errand that kept her away and gave him enough time to perpetrate his evil deed.
I felt a hand on my body. I opened my eyes and saw my uncle trying to force my jeans trousers off. I tried to scream, but he covered my mouth with his palm.
In short, my uncle raped me and deflowered me at 14. He asked me to clean up, when he was done with me. He took my pant and burnt it in my presence. He threatened to kill me if I ever told anyone.
He tried to rape me again several times after that first experience, but I always carried my elder brother's Boys' Scout pen knife about and I vowed that I would kill him if he ever got near me again.
I wasn’t too sure if it was my threat or the fact that he was having sex with our 16-year-old house maid that kept him away from me, because he had to leave our house when mummy discovered that our housemaid was pregnant, and she said my uncle was responsible for her pregnancy.
It was then that my mother raised her voice that I had reported him to her before. She stupidly thanked God that my uncle did not touch me.
How wrong? I did not correct her because it was rather too late.
How I wished she had listened to me then! I would have been saved from this private pains. How I wish, mothers,especially, should learn to listen to their children and not shout them down anytime they try to speak with them.
I thought I was the only one in the world, who suffered this type of fate, but I was wrong. We had just resumed into the university, guess you know all these jambites stuff.
My friend and I became close because we were the first ones to get into our room. Incidentally, we were admitted to study the same course, so from the very first day we became friends
Her parents were abroad, and her maternal uncle was her guardian. Every weekend he would come around to see her.
Sometimes he would take us out. I became apprehensive, because I noticed he was too close to her for comfort, but I could not warn her. Moreso, I didn’t trust her enough to share my secret with her. And I also thought that, though naive after all, he was her maternal uncle not paternal, so he shouldn’t have such a thought on his mind.
One weekend, she went to stay at her uncle’s place I was supposed to have gone with her, but my eldest brother, who just came back from the US promised to see me that weekend. So, I stayed back in school.
Surprisingly, my friend came back on Saturday morning as against her planned Sunday evening.
I noticed that she had cried and her uncle was hovering around her like a “father hen”. I couldn’t wait for him to leave before asking what happened. Instead of saying something, she started crying again.
I asked if someone died and she said no. Our other roommates were around, so I couldn’t really press her. When they all left the room, I moved closer; she was sleeping in my bed. I asked her if she was all right, instead of talking, she began to cry again. I pleaded with her to tell me what happened, she then dropped a bomb- shell. “My uncle raped me”, at 18.
He deflowered her. Can you imagine that? A child entrusted to his care? My friend said she was going to kill herself. At this juncture, I told her what happened to me four years earlier.
She was stunned. She stopped crying and said she now understood why I never joined them whenever they discussed the issue of virginity in our room. This issue created a deep bond between us. Since then, we have been inseparable. We are like sisters. I have had cause to follow her on holidays to meet her parents in the UK. She is an only child and her parents took me as theirs and vice-versa.
I wrote these stories with her permission.
My biggest question is, can we really stop sexual harassment from trusted relatives, friends and family members? I really do not think so. From everlasting to everlasting, men will always be men. I am of the opinion that, the responsibility of protecting female children rests more with mothers.
As for me, no uncle or brother would ever come to live in my house. I also will prayerfully take care of my children, especially my daughter(s). It was not a good experience and I don’t wish any of my kids would go through the trauma and nightmare. It is not good. It is very shameful.
The irony about it is that, sometimes you blame yourself. What for? You would wish you had the power to have it otherwise.
For Tolulope and Anu, her daughter, I pray the Lord would comfort you. Please, take care of your daughter and weigh the pros and cons of your final decision concerning your home. It is well.
written by WALE ADENIJI, April 22, 2010
written by E. Adeniyi (Abu Dhabi, UAE), April 22, 2010
written by augustine, April 22, 2010