My uncle raped me when I was 14

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My uncle raped me when I was 14

Thursday, 22 April 2010

Dear Readers,

She read the story published on this page two weeks ago about the two-year-old girl that was sexually harassed by her uncle.

She was also a victim of sexual harassment; she was raped by her uncle at the age of 14.

She decided to share her story, so that others can learn.

Dear Taiwo,

I am a regular reader of your columns. My prayer is that the Lord will continue to strengthen you so that you will expose evil doers in our society.

I read with disgust the story published on this page about two weeks ago. I felt very sorry for that woman, Tolulope. I kept the copy of that story and everytime I went back to read it, I became convinced that I must write my story and that of my friend too – with her consent though.

Tolulope’s story and ours, I am convinced, should teach our parents a lesson, especially mothers. I am sure it would awaken them to the fact that nobody should be trusted, or better put, no man, whosoever he is, should be trusted with your daughter. Mothers should stand up and protect their daughters. Anu, Tolulope’s daughter, is still a baby, so there is every possibility that she might grow up and not remember this incident. Thank God, her mother did not say that the incident left any permanent damage on her. But what about people like us, who would carry this secret pain in our hearts for ever.

You are the second person I am sharing this story with and that is why I prefer to remain anonymous.

I was 14 years old when my uncle deflowered me, right in my father's house, under my parents' nose. But because they (my parents) trusted him and it would be my word against his, I could not tell anyone; and, of course, he warned me that if I told anyone, he would deny it and deal with me.

I am a final year student in one of the federal universities. This incident happened when I was in Senior Secondary School two (SS2). I wasn’t really too mature for my age; I was on the small side; but I had developed a woman’s body.

My parternal uncle, my grandmother’s last born, then a youth corps member, was posted to serve his fatherland where we were staying then, of course, it was natural for him to stay with us.

He was a good uncle and very friendly with us. I am the last of my parents' three children. My elder ones (both boys) were away in school leaving our housemaid and me in the house.

Initially, my uncle was nice and he was just a normal uncle everyone would wish for.

After about a month or so that he came to stay with us, he started behaving funny towards me. He would touch my bum, and sometimes he would pretend it was a mistake, then, he would touch my breasts. Then, I really didn’t know how to place his behaviour. In my mind, I would wonder if it was a mistake or he was doing it deliberately.

Because I couldn’t really say I was scared to discuss it with anybody, not even with our housemaid then because we were a little close. I made up my mind to avoid him.

I guess I overdid it because everybody noticed this. My parents mistook my attitude for pranks and they would scold me whenever he reported me.

On a day, I told my mother that I didn’t like how my uncle used to touch me. I didn’t know what really got into her, but she scolded me not to say such a thing again. She reminded me that the person I spoke about was my daddy’s younger brother. I had no choice, my situation then was between the devil and the deep blue sea.

My parents had to travel to daddy’s home town for a burial. We were all supposed to go together, but since my uncle said he had something to do, my parents decided that our housemaid and I should stay back at home. I pleaded with them to take me, but I was not lucky. In fact, daddy would have conceded but my mum refused.

It happened the next day. I was sleeping in my room, in the evening which I shared with our housemaid, but it was later that I learnt that my uncle had sent her on an errand that kept her away and gave him enough time to perpetrate his evil deed.

I felt a hand on my body. I opened my eyes and saw my uncle trying to force my jeans trousers off. I tried to scream, but he covered my mouth with his palm.

In short, my uncle raped me and deflowered me at 14. He asked me to clean up, when he was done with me. He took my pant and burnt it in my presence. He threatened to kill me if I ever told anyone.

He tried to rape me again several times after that first experience, but I always carried my elder brother's Boys' Scout pen knife about and I vowed that I would kill him if he ever got near me again.

I wasn’t too sure if it was my threat or the fact that he was having sex with our 16-year-old house maid that kept him away from me, because he had to leave our house when mummy discovered that our housemaid was pregnant, and she said my uncle was responsible for her pregnancy.

It was then that my mother raised her voice that I had reported him to her before. She stupidly thanked God that my uncle did not touch me.

How wrong? I did not correct her because it was rather too late.

How I wished she had listened to me then! I would have been saved from this private pains. How I wish, mothers,especially, should learn to listen to their children and not shout them down anytime they try to speak with them.

I thought I was the only one in the world, who suffered this type of fate, but I was wrong. We had just resumed into the university, guess you know all these jambites stuff.

My friend and I became close because we were the first ones to get into our room. Incidentally, we were admitted to study the same course, so from the very first day we became friends

Her parents were abroad, and her maternal uncle was her guardian. Every weekend he would come around to see her.

Sometimes he would take us out. I became apprehensive, because I noticed he was too close to her for comfort, but I could not warn her. Moreso, I didn’t trust her enough to share my secret with her. And I also thought that, though naive after all, he was her maternal uncle not paternal, so he shouldn’t have such a thought on his mind.

One weekend, she went to stay at her uncle’s place I was supposed to have gone with her, but my eldest brother, who just came back from the US promised to see me that weekend. So, I stayed back in school.

Surprisingly, my friend came back on Saturday morning as against her planned Sunday evening.

I noticed that she had cried and her uncle was hovering around her like a “father hen”. I couldn’t wait for him to leave before asking what happened. Instead of saying something, she started crying again.

I asked if someone died and she said no. Our other roommates were around, so I couldn’t really press her. When they all left the room, I moved closer; she was sleeping in my bed. I asked her if she was all right, instead of talking, she began to cry again. I pleaded with her to tell me what happened, she then dropped a bomb- shell. “My uncle raped me”, at 18.

He deflowered her. Can you imagine that? A child entrusted to his care? My friend said she was going to kill herself. At this juncture, I told her what happened to me four years earlier.

She was stunned. She stopped crying and said she now understood why I never joined them whenever they discussed the issue of virginity in our room. This issue created a deep bond between us. Since then, we have been inseparable. We are like sisters. I have had cause to follow her on holidays to meet her parents in the UK. She is an only child and her parents took me as theirs and vice-versa.

I wrote these stories with her permission.

My biggest question is, can we really stop sexual harassment from trusted relatives, friends and family members? I really do not think so. From everlasting to everlasting, men will always be men. I am of the opinion that, the responsibility of protecting female children rests more with mothers.

As for me, no uncle or brother would ever come to live in my house. I also will prayerfully take care of my children, especially my daughter(s). It was not a good experience and I don’t wish any of my kids would go through the trauma and nightmare. It is not good. It is very shameful.

The irony about it is that, sometimes you blame yourself. What for? You would wish you had the power to have it otherwise.

For Tolulope and Anu, her daughter, I pray the Lord would comfort you. Please, take care of your daughter and weigh the pros and cons of your final decision concerning your home. It is well.

Anonymous.

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RE: MY UNCLE RAPED ME AT 14
written by WALE ADENIJI, April 22, 2010

Reading all these stories, i cannot but be scared. I cannot but wonder why some men would rather choose to be animals by doing what shoud not have been done. Why rape anybody when there are many young ladies out there available for marriage? I have a daughter who is staying with her mother because i'm out of the country. I have to call her and ask her to go and check her mail after i have copied and forwarded this story to her. For her to know that no one can be trusted not to be capable of doing such despicable act. Parents, and not only mothers should strive to protect their daughters against such occurences. Adequate lessons should be given to our girls not to remain with any man in an isolated place or area to avoid things of this nature. May God continue to enpower us to be good parents to our kids.

Man of perpetrator
written by Ola, April 22, 2010

Am speechless with your stories... Some men are animals in Human skin... Who take pleasure in making girls cries, sorrowful and pains of entirely.
How will such men who sexually violent girl(children)feels, when such evils returned to their girls?

To all children, ladies and women, the Almighty God and Allah heal the wounds in time.
God will continue to punish evil doers in great deed...Amen

...
written by E. Adeniyi (Abu Dhabi, UAE), April 22, 2010

Yes sexual harrassment can be stopped and not only by mothers, but by GODLY PRESENCE, both parent and a responsible government which must immediately pass into law bill to prosecute offenders even with maximum sentencing of life imprisonment.Parents must put aside family sentiments on sexual issues as it affect a girl/boy child development.My children (aged 11+,9+&2+)were instructed by us (father&Mother)to quickly report any form of harrassment (touching, spoken-actions, eyeing, mingling, etc with their private areas) from ANYBODY including either of us, their friends, teachers(at school/home), doctors, pastors, lecturers, extended family memberS (grandparents inclusive).By been very proactive, vigilant,friendly,tolerant and inquisitive about them daily is a must. Lot of sexual issues abound now and children are no longer in the stone age. In 21st centuries, the way is to teach them means of rapid responses and be there to defend and support them at all times. i don't do family/friends on my children issues. In these stories, blame the parents who are ''absentminded'' and ''family bigots''. After my wife,next are my children and may be others.Thanks very much.

...
written by Akpanumoh ubongabasi, April 22, 2010

Sexual harrasment could b stoped with the help of a good government listening and caring parents, obedient children

...
written by Kemi Ajayi, April 22, 2010

First and foremost, I pray God will give the anonymous writer as well as Tolu/Anu the heart to forgive the evil men.

A lot of women contniue to live in silent pains of what some 'animals' called men have done to them in the past.
Some are lucky while some are not. I consider myself and my younger sister to be amongst the lucky ones because my cousin (my father's elder brother's son, he should be closer to 25 or more then) would have raped the two of us on the same day at the tender ages of 5 and 6 in broad day light in my father's compound!

The respect children used to have for the elder ones in those days in the late 70's made him to match us to his room in the boy's quarters and asked us to remove our pants. We obeyed of course! He first carried me to himself and tried to force himself in but as I struggled and started to cry, he pushed me away, called me names and called my sister who did the same thing. He later abused us and sent us out of his room. We continued playing by ourselves and never even said anything to our older siblings or parents as we didnt understand what he wanted to do.

As I grew older and learnt more about life, I later remembered everything so vividly to the point of remembering the dress I was wearing that day. Up till now, I never asked my sister if she remembered or told anyone else. Each time I saw this cousin of mine, I still feel hurt.

MY UNCLE RAPE ME
written by augustine, April 22, 2010

I FEEL SO SORRY FOR ALL THE RAPE LADIES.THERE ARE NO GOOD LEGAL SYSTEM IN NIGERIA TO HELP PRESECUTE THOSE EVIL MEN IN HUMAN SKIN,AND MOTHER SHOULD ALWAYS TRY TO BE CLOSE TO THIER CHILDREN,IN AFRICA THE DISTANCE BETWEEN THE PARENT AND THE CHILDREN IS TOO MUCH,BECAUSE WE MAKE OUR CHILDREN TO BE SCARE TO TALK TO US,PLEASE ALL PARENT SHOULD PROTECT THIER CHILDREN AGAINST RAPE,AND THE LAW IN NIGERIA AGAINST RAPE SHOULD BE STRENGHTEN,THOSE COLONIA LAW SHOULD BE UPDATED,ALLOT OF RAPE IS HAPPENING IN NIGERIA EVERY MINUTE,BECAUSE OF THE STIGMAL PEOPLE DON,T COME OUT TO SAY IT.PLEASE LET US FIGHT AGAINST RAPE IN NIGERIA.

MY UNCLE RAPE ME
written by Taiwo Orolu, April 27, 2010

Parents should develop a friendly relationship with their children and build confidence in them so as to allow them share every issue of concern with them. They should not assume everything is okay. Also, children be well taught and groomed in the way of the Lord.

Too bad!
written by John Adama, May 19, 2010

Kemi Ajayi's comment moved me to tears. u see, a lot of things have gone wrong in our society. u don't even know who to blame or what to say. I just pray that God should heal the wounds of all rape victims.

so unfortunate
written by DOLAPO, May 25, 2010

Really feel so sorry for the rape victims. I pray God will continue to console you. I would appeal to you to forgive the evil doers, God will surely judge them.

...
written by Chosen, June 12, 2010

The problem with our people is this their 'over Godliness'. When thee deed is done, the devil is blamed.

It's only natural for a man to always express his sexual desire especially when left alone with the opposite sex.

The best solution is to avoid such threats. To the men, don't ever feel you'll control yourself - just avoid it. If you have a child, please talk to them about these things and stop treating them with kid gloves or can you imagine a 7 year old daughter of my neighbour who came to my room and asked me to kiss her? In fact, she was almost forcing me until I spanked her. Now, any pother pervert could have taken that as an 'osho free'; the world is really changing and kids are not 'kids' like you assume anymore.

-1

I'M GLAD SOMEONE OUT THERE IS LEARNING IN TIME
written by Anonymous, June 16, 2010

I've always been interested in reading stories like this because it has happened to me and I plan to enlighten people of this ill that eats deep into a beautiful life. Mine was rape and molestation for years because there was no one to protect me or believe me. I came from a broken home and had an unconcerned stepmother to look after me while my dad was far away at his station coming home only weekends, or sometimes after a couple of weeks. I was not close to my father, so there was really nobody to confide in when that evil cousin of mine in his late teens raped and molested me continuously with the threat of death hanging from the age of seven to almost ten when I could stand up to him. The only reason I didn't commit suicide or try to kill him with a knife as a teenager was the fear of hell,when I realized what had happened to me. He lived with us, ate my fathers food and was been trained by my father. I cursed him and I saw how after a while he became mentally ill for a while. I blamed my mother when eventually I did see her, because I felt she was not there to protect me, and carried the feeling of guilt and rage against my cousin for years. It hindered my relationship with the opposite sex cause I couldn't bring my self to been exposed. I finally told my father when I was an adult and my father wept on his dying bed. All that changed with years in God's presence when I gave him my heart to heal. Today I am married to a wonderful husband who knows about it and still loves me.I've finally been vindicated because my cousin has never risen in life no matter how hard he has tried. Please mothers and fathers do everything humanely possible not to divorce because it is the children who suffer the most. Protect your children! You are all they have.

NEVER TRUST ANYONE WITH YOUR KIDS
written by Favoured, July 07, 2010

I cannot say exactly when my uncle started sleeping with me. I am only child of a single mom and she always had younger half brothers around for holidays to play with me. I guess it started as children playing together when I was around 8 years old and we used to have those mummy and daddy games.

However, the oldest of them all who must have been around 14 took particular interest in me and started sleeping with me. By the time he moved into our house it became a normal thing that I had started enjoying. I remember that he must have fully disvirgined me when I was about 11 years old.

He used to look for different opportunities and he would take me to uncompleted buildings around our area. Anytime I refused he would beat me for no just cause mercilessly and I learnt to keep quiet because I know nobody will believe me.

However by the time I was 13, I summoned the courage to stop doing it. I guess it has scarred me somehow because as a young girl I knew more about sex than my mates which I could not tell them.

I had my first boyfriend 7 years later and I dated him for 4 years. I told him he was actually the first person but I guess he suspected that I was lying. I married my husband two years after I left my boyfriend. However, I don't enjoy sex that much, I guess its because I started too early.

Parents should be wary of those they invite into their homes and make their children free with them so that they will be able to tell them anything.

I have forgiven my uncle. Incidentally he is a minister of God now and his wife is my friend. I am also a worker in the church and my experience has shown that things are not as they seem.